Happy New Year Everyone!
I trust and pray that each of you had a wonderful Christmas or Holiday season.
I acknowledge that in my last post, I promised that the second and final chapter of The Escape, Chinee and Me would be published on the 21st of December but quite frankly, it was too heavy and too dark and not appropriate for the Season of Celebration and even now with the promise of the new beginning that this new year brings, I thought to delay that chapter an additional week.
I want to take this opportunity to truly thank each of you who followed me or read by blog last year. When I began this journey it was not to expose anyone’s faults or shortcomings. It was however, my attempt to exorcise the demons other people shortcomings injected into my life.
Over the years when I did allow a few people glimpses into my childhood, I was often told things along the lines of, “you’re a strong person.” Those statements were always met with a fair amount of denial, self-deprecation and in some cases outright cynicism. I was never strong; I was a person without a choice. What I was actually, was a person looking for a soft, private place to have a complete breakdown. Since I’m very defining in my choices, it took many years for me to find the perfect place for that breakdown.
When one of my sons was “a just learning to toddle” toddler, he would hold onto the edges of my sofa and work his way around to the back of it. Once there, he would look back and assuring himself that he had found a place of privacy, (he never looked up or he would have seen me peering over the top of the sofa), his beautiful little face would scrunch up in solid concentration, his cheeks would puff out and his perfect lips would form the sweetest pout as he would push and push until his diaper was sufficiently tested against leakages. He would then reverse his trip and with the biggest smile and a look of proud completion, he would toddle over to me and offer me his diaper full of crap to unload! Hah! Well, he was my example as I looked for a private place to unload my crap! Just as he had no way of knowing he was being watched, I certainly never expected anyone other than those closest to me to witness my unloading and certainly never assumed that hundreds upon hundred upon hundreds would witness my trip behind my sofa.
This forum has provided me that perfect place for my breakdown or perhaps my breakthrough.
The anger that once roiled and propelled me has been stamped down. The bitterness of the bile that I was forced to constantly swallow has lost its flavor. Although I can’t say that I’m free from all of the negative affects of others, I can say that I’m no longer guided by them.
It would be almost anticlimactic at this point to post Chapter 2 but wouldn’t that just suck if I didn’t? It is necessary for me to complete Chapter 2 of The Escape, Chinee and Me so that I might tell you of the most loveliest of creatures, who in just three days, almost singlehandedly cancelled out “My summer of abuse”. She was indeed special and deserves her very own chapter apart from Chinee. She is the reason that I stand firm in my resolve that God always places the right person in your life at the right time. You’ll find her affect upon my life in the January 17th post.
Whatever this New Year brings, I pray that I never forget from where my help actually comes and that I never fail to give Him the Glory. Proverb Chapter 3 verses 5 and 6 continues to sustain me. See you next week, God willing!
(petrel41/DearKitty, thank you for the special honor you have bestowed upon me! Just as soon as this non-techie figures out how to meet your requirements, I will complete them. I’m honored!)